The first joke I ever heard from my dad involved a genie, three princes, and three wishes.
There were three princes in a faraway kingdom, each granted one wish by a genie — but here’s the twist: the genie would appear at a random moment, and the wish would be granted based on the first word they said.
The genie appeared to the first prince while he was riding a horse. “Gold!” he shouted, and bars of gold magically appeared.
He showed up to the second prince while he was eating mid-bite. “Money!” he said, and heaps of banknotes fell from the sky.
Then came the third prince. The genie appeared while he was peeing. The prince looked down and exclaimed, “Oh shit…”
That was it. I was seven. I died laughing, not fully understanding why it was funny but loving our shared moment of connection through humor.
In hindsight, it was a mildly inappropriate joke for a child. But that’s how my dad rolls — funny, offbeat, and never afraid to tell a story that made people laugh. He was my first lesson in humor, and it’s the lesson I’ve carried into every phase of life, including this one. Little did I know that decades later, I’d need that gift of laughter more than ever.
Midlife, Menopause, and No One Warns You
No one really tells you what it’s like until you’re already in it. And even then, the descriptions feel like they belong to someone else. I wasn’t prepared for the brain fog, the emotional whiplash, or the sudden arrival of knees that creaked like floorboards in a horror movie.
And yet, through it all, I’ve clung to humor. It’s what’s kept me grounded, and frankly, kept me likable to others, and most especially, to myself.
But here’s something I’ve come to believe deeply: this shouldn’t be something women go through alone.
Why Men Belong in the Menopause Conversation
Just as gender equality needs men to be allies, so does menopause.
The statistics speak volumes:
- Nearly 75% of women report receiving little or no support during menopause.
- 80% say they wish their partners understood more about what they’re experiencing.
- Women with supportive partners report fewer severe symptoms and better mental health outcomes during the transition.
Whether you’re a husband, a son, a friend, or a father — your presence matters. Not to fix things, or offer solutions (though a pint of ice cream or a shoulder rub never hurt). But to witness, to listen, and sometimes, to make us laugh when we can’t find our way through the fog.
What Support Really Looks Like
My husband has redefined what allyship means during this journey. Not only does he spot me in the gym so that I can lift heavy, but he regularly sends me articles he’s found about managing menopause. He puts in the hard work, not just to understand, but to also create solutions for other women like me. Some husbands buy jewelry, mine built an app to track my symptoms. (And yes, I’m aware I got the better deal when we vowed “for better or worse”)
My dad? He’s not perfect, but he knows when to show up when needed. He gave me laughter as a lifeline, and I think every woman deserves at least one man in her life who does the same.
The Menopause Ally Playbook
So, to the men who want to support the women they love but aren’t sure how — here’s a shortlist to help:
1. Beyond the Flash
It’s not just about hot flashes. Think of menopause as a full-system reboot: memory glitches, sudden joint aches, and a rotating schedule of emotional shifts.
She’s not losing her mind — her hormones are just very… active.
2. Presence Over Perfection
You don’t have to understand everything to be helpful.
You’re not expected to become a menopause expert overnight. Just be open. Ask how she’s doing. Believe her when she says she’s tired, even if she just woke up.
3. Laughter as Medicine
Humor helps. A good laugh can disarm a bad day. And no, you don’t need to be a stand-up comic — just being there, silly and sincere (with literal dad jokes), goes a long way.
4. The Power of Pause
Patience isn’t passive. It’s powerful. Giving space, slowing down, not taking things personally — that’s support in action.
5. Break the Silence
Talk to your friends. If your wife is going through menopause, chances are your friend’s wife probably is too. Compare notes. Share insights. Normalize the conversation. You’ll be surprised how much better it makes everyone feel.
The Gift of Showing Up
So here’s to my dad — the man who gave me my laugh lines and the sense of humor to survive them.
And here’s to all the men willing to stand beside the women they love, even when the landscape changes.
You matter more than you think.
Carlos Vargas Gierke
