I wasn’t prepared for it. Not even close.
One day, Jasmin and I were navigating our usual rhythm and enjoying a new city Dublin and the next, everything shifted. Her doctor explained that due to her treatment, she had become menopausal but the symptoms didn’t show up right away. Her body was so focused on surviving the illness that menopause took a backseat. But once she started recovering and regaining her strength, that’s when it hit. First it was the brain fog, the emotional swings and joint pain, it was like menopause had been waiting in the wings, and now it was ready for its grand entrance.
I’ve heard men joke about “the change,” but there’s nothing funny about watching someone you love suddenly wrestling with not knowing her own body. And I’ll admit it at first, I didn’t know how to help. I was trying to keep things light, crack a few jokes to lift her mood. But inside, I was scared. Confused. Powerless.
No one tells guys what to do when their partner suddenly doesn’t recognize herself or feels like you don’t recognize her either. Research says around 63% of men feel like menopause negatively affects their lives, too, and I felt that. The emotional distance, the intimacy drop, the eggshell moments. I kept thinking: What did I do wrong? Truth was, it wasn’t about me. It was biology. It was pain. It was transformation.
That’s when I started reading. Not random Google articles, but real research. Stuff that helped me understand this wasn’t a phase it was a profound hormonal, emotional, and spiritual shift. And it wasn’t just Jasmin’s battle it was ours.
I found out most men don’t know much about menopause some haven’t even heard of perimenopause. Only about 6% know about symptoms like vaginal dryness, and very few understand the deeper emotional toll. That explained a lot. We’re not taught how to support, listen, or even ask the right questions.
So I started doing just that.
I asked Jasmin what she needed. Sometimes it was silence. Sometimes a hug. Sometimes just knowing I’d made the bed and handled dinner. I stopped trying to fix things and just showed up. And the more I learned, the more I could actually be there not as a rescuer, but as a partner.
And here’s the wild thing our relationship got deeper. Realer. More human. We started bonding with exercise, this time about purpose, aging, healing. I began seeing menopause not as an ending but as a kind of rebirth. For her. For us.
If you’re a guy going through this with your partner whether it’s gradual or instant like Jasmin’s know this: You don’t need all the answers. You just need to care enough to learn. You need to stay present. And maybe let go of what intimacy used to look like and be open to what it could become.
Menopause isn’t the end of your connection. It might just be the beginning of something more powerful than you imagined.
Jasmin Vinculado
